Anywhere But Here

I feel like ranting. I don't even know about what. I just feel like sitting here in bed all day, not working, watching movies, and texting of course, are not very productive things to do with my life. I hate the fact that I'm not working because obviously not working means I'm not making money, which means I can't do the things I want to do. Right now I'm still doing ok surviving off the money we made on tour, but sooner or later thats gonna run out. I'm scheduled to go in to Red Bull next Tuesday, hopefully that means I'll be working by Wednesday, but who knows right now. Yeah, I decided to stick with Red Bull and not take the new job. I still want to tour. I love it. It's my life. I love meeting new people and experiencing things that not many people get to. Even though right now neither of my bands is touring. Its kind of annoying. I feel like we have potential, but theres no motivation. Everyone is doing there own thing. Other bands, girlfriends, work, and school. I mean of course I understand that music is not really a way to make a living, but I'm still young. At least I like to think I am. I'm not ready to just become that 9-5 guy who comes home hating his life every single day. I hope we get back on track and start doing shit again. Or that I find another band that is willing to.

My back hurts. I hate laying in bed all day but there is nothing to do. I don't even know where everyone is. Why does it feel like I'm the only one with nothing going on right now? It also sucks that I have seen every movie on the planet. At least everyone that I thought was worth seeing. I hate watching TV, even U-Verse has run out of things to keep me entertained. I keep searching the movies on demand to see if there is anything new, but there isn't. I probably sound like such a lazy person. I'm really not. I just have nothing to do. I haven't had anything to do since I got home. I did go out to eat with John Warden and Cassie yesterday. We went to see Audra, Dan, Baby Luca, and the puppies after. We stayed there pretty much the rest of the night which was perfectly fine with me because I wasn't at home alone in bed like I am now. We watched Kimbo Slice not do anything in his fight. We watched videos on YouTube and of course we played with the dogs.

It was kind of sad being there. I was still alone. They all had their significant other, I had nothing. I wanted someone who I could be cute with, that I could play fight with or cuddle with on the couch while we watched TV. I've gotten passed the point of searching, I did that for way too long. There was no point. No matter what I found, or how real it seemed, I was alone at the end. What I would give to go back two years. I would've done it all different. Maybe I'd still be alone right now, but at least it wouldn't have been my fault. I fucked it up. I have to live with that everyday. I know one day I'll find that feeling again. I just have no idea when.

Oh Copeland, how I love you. I could listen to this band all day. Its so relaxing. I wish there were more bands like this. Number One Fan broke up, Mae was more upbeat and their newest CD didn't do anything for me. The Get Up Kids got too folky for me towards the end. If you know of anyone that is like them, please tell me. I'm a sucker for that slow piano rock. I know it wouldn't seem like it if you were judging by the bands I play in, but take my word for it. I'm not at all what you would think. I like Chick flicks, cry baby bands, and Gossip Girl. I guess I'm kinda a hopeless romantic. That dude in the movies thats too nice for his own good, but instead of getting the girl at the end, I get dumped. If only life was like the movies. I'd be such a ladies man.

Why don't I just start a band like this? I need to learn to play guitar, and piano. Then I'd be set. I can't sing for shit, well at least I think I can't. The few people that have heard me actually sing, like seriously and not just messing around being annoying, have said its pretty good. I could probably pass for one of those Bright Eyes bands. I hate Bright Eyes. But that dude can't sing and if he can do it, maybe I can too? Someone give me guitar/piano lessons? Maybe if I do that band I can stop meeting all these scene girls and get one of those little emo chicks that the dude from Copeland writes all the songs about. That'd be a nice change. I want a cute girl, not one that tries to be one of the guys. You know what I'm talking about, those girls that try to be tough cause they think its cool. Its not. I don't wanna have to worry about my girlfriend trying to kick my ass. Or the girls that do the band guy thing, thats not attractive either. Have some self-respect. That guy that you think is the real deal, that you've met once and spent one weekend with, is going to cheat on you, or your relationship will last a week after he leaves and you'll feel stupid. Not trying to be a dick, but come on, do you really think thats love? Video chatting with someone and thinking you know them is retarded. I guess I'm stupid too though, I should probably get the idea that Allie Hamilton is real out of my head. I don't know if I'll ever find someone who loves me that much, but it'd be the best thing ever if I did.

This bed is getting more uncomfortable by the minute. I need to try and find something to do tonight, that doesn't involve spending money. Ready.....BREAK!