So I wanted to cut down the amount of social network sites that I used and I need one sit for blog posts. Since Tumblr has private posts and blogspot doesn't, I decided I'm just gonna start posting there. One place for public and private posts instead of two separate sites for each. So follow me on Tumblr.
Tumblr
I am now only gonna use Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. Keeping it simple. I'm not deleting this cause I have old posts that I want to be able to look back on. But from now on all my updates will be on those sites.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Take Me To A Place Where I Don't Know Anybody, Leave Me Alone For Now.
Today the world lost someone very special to cancer at too young of an age. She was very close to some of my best friends and it impacted a lot of people. I have been in bed all day in a terrible mood. You never want to see the people that you love and care about go through that kind of stuff. It hurts. It made me think a lot. About how selfish I have been. The past few months I have walked around with a chip on my shoulder. I have hurt people that I care about. I have done things that I am not proud of. I have been very selfish. A few days ago I realized this and decided I wanted to start fresh and make things right in my life. So I have been trying to do that. It has been hard. I am still upset about certain things that I can't change. I still have a lot of things I need to work on. I want to believe that I can better myself, for myself, and for the people that I love. I have been trying and will continue to till I get it right.
I just got back from Japan on Sunday. It was my second time going there in the past year. It was another amazing experience that I am very thankful for the chance to have. It was a rollercoaster of emotion trying to juggle being there and dealing with things back home. I had a good time for the most part. But it was still hard. It still is. The tour we did before that was the same thing. Going through losing someone I loved made enjoying it too hard. I tried but it was a lot to deal with. Life has been a lot to deal with lately. I wish I was stronger and capable of dealing with it better. But I have felt so beaten that I just feel like giving up sometimes.
I sent out a couple messages tonight to people that I have had drama with trying to clear things up. I'm tired of having grudges. I don't know if anyone will respond. But at least I tried. I just want things to get better.
I leave for Europe in a few days. I'm pretty excited for that. First time going there. We get to tour on a bus and the tour is with awesome bands. I can't wait. Thinking about a big change when I get back home. We will see how things work out.
I've been writing in my Livejournal more. More private stuff in there that I don't want to put out on the internet. I'm a little tired of everyone always knowing my business. Trying to be a little bit more private about certain things. It gives people less to talk about. They are always gonna talk. But at least this way they are just making it up on their own. So I feel like I have less to write about on here. But I'll try to keep up with it. I'll update from Europe if I have time.
I just got back from Japan on Sunday. It was my second time going there in the past year. It was another amazing experience that I am very thankful for the chance to have. It was a rollercoaster of emotion trying to juggle being there and dealing with things back home. I had a good time for the most part. But it was still hard. It still is. The tour we did before that was the same thing. Going through losing someone I loved made enjoying it too hard. I tried but it was a lot to deal with. Life has been a lot to deal with lately. I wish I was stronger and capable of dealing with it better. But I have felt so beaten that I just feel like giving up sometimes.
I sent out a couple messages tonight to people that I have had drama with trying to clear things up. I'm tired of having grudges. I don't know if anyone will respond. But at least I tried. I just want things to get better.
I leave for Europe in a few days. I'm pretty excited for that. First time going there. We get to tour on a bus and the tour is with awesome bands. I can't wait. Thinking about a big change when I get back home. We will see how things work out.
I've been writing in my Livejournal more. More private stuff in there that I don't want to put out on the internet. I'm a little tired of everyone always knowing my business. Trying to be a little bit more private about certain things. It gives people less to talk about. They are always gonna talk. But at least this way they are just making it up on their own. So I feel like I have less to write about on here. But I'll try to keep up with it. I'll update from Europe if I have time.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Lost Boy
I'm not dead. I promise. Its not like I haven't had time to write either. I've probably had too much time. I just haven't. I'm trying to squeeze some in now. The past few months have been very good. Better than that, amazing. There have been some rough spots but nothing too bad. I'm still smiling and that's what matters I think.
Since I last updated, I had a birthday. The big 24. Edge year. I was stuck in Dayton, OH for it. Worst, most boring place on Earth. We left for tour on April 15th and played a couple shows on the way up to the "Wrath Of Sanity Tour" with Earth Crisis and First Blood. We blew a tire on the highway at some ridiculous time of night. Called triple A. Got the weirdest/funniest tow truck driver ever. We slept in the parking lot of the gas station that took 3 days to fix the van cause they had to order a certain part. We stayed at this girl Bree's apartment who none of us had ever met and only got hooked up with through someone else. Luckily I got the couch for the 3 days. But we were basically in her apartment the whole time because there is absolutely nothing to do in Dayton. We got the tire fixed and continued on. The tour started in New York City and we actually got to do a radio interview on AOL which can be seen here...AOL Interview. That was really awesome. We got a tour of the AOL studio in New York and had a good time. The second day of the tour was New England Metal and Hardcore Fest. That was a good day. I got to see some good bands and I had dinner with my friend Lindsay. Our van window broke. We had to get that fixed the next day. Played a few more shows in PA and NY. Then we were off to Canada.
Let me just start by saying Canada is the worst. We had trouble getting through the border which we knew was going to happen. We had to get a fill in singer for the 2 shows that we got to play. It snowed. Took us 12 hours to make a 8 hour drive. It wasn't fun. But the shows were awesome. We did an interview with Hard Times. That was interesting. They asked a lot of different questions that you usually don't get in an interview. Good change. After those 2 days we headed back into the states. Did some Midwest stuff. Saw the guys from Fireworks in Michigan. Played an awesome warehouse show in PA that was probably one of the best shows of the tour. Saw my friend Katie and Jeff when we were in Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Making our way out west. Stayed with Andy Hurley from Fall Out Boy. He was playing drums for Earth Crisis on the tour. Played with Whitechapel in Denver. Met Chris Immunity. Blew another tire somewhere in the dessert. Met Chelsea Denoya in Salt Lake City and had some good steaks thanks to our Tour Manager Don. He earned the nickname "Steak Well Don" that night. Made it up to Seattle and saw Dual Dave and met Ashley Lake, she bought us Red Mill Burger. Saw Iron Man 2 with Shane and Jerry. Shane made vegan Hawaiian pizzas. Stayed with my friend Katelyn for a couple days in Reno. Experienced Earth Crisis in Reno which was a once in a lifetime kinda show. Saw the dudes from Lionheart and Scott Sparks in Sacramento. Played California Metal Fest in Southern Cali. Saw some family in New Mexico. Headed back East. Stayed with Aldo and Shani in Indianapolis. Got matching BF tattoos with Shane. Team +/-. Stayed in Pittsburgh with Katie and Kimmie for a couple days. Ate some good food, watched the worst movie, The Human Centipede. Played NJ and saw Kaelin and Justin. Played South Carolina and met Shane's family and friends. Made our way back home to Florida. A week later we did a short weekend up through Tallahassee and to a fest in Georgia. My friend Dylan filled in for us on vocals. It was a good time. Our vans a/c has been out so that sucked but we got slurpees and sucked it up. We played with Livid, who is my friend Kane's band in Tallahassee. Also played with my friend Nate's band. Played with Casey Jones and MCMB at the fest in Georgia.
I've been in Orlando since then basically. Staying with my girlfriend. Being a lazy bum. I really needed to get a job but I couldn't find anything within the short time I was here. I leave again in two weeks so I kinda just gave up the search after nothing was happening. I've been down South a couple times to see my parents and play the show we played with Advent. My parents got to meet my girlfriend and they liked her so that's always good. Saw a lot of friends at the show. Now I'm back in Orlando till this weekend. I'm going back down South to play a show with My Complex Island. Our first show in months. Should be fun. I'll be hopping around the next 2 weeks between Orlando and South Florida, trying to spend time with my girlfriend and writing with the band. We leave for tour July 20th. I'll be gone for a month. Then we leave for Japan August 25th or 26th. That will be my second time going there within a year. Not many people can say that in a lifetime. I'll be there for 10 days then back to the states for a couple weeks before leaving for a tour in Europe for a month. We are doing the Hell on Earth Tour with Everytime I die, Terror, All Shall Perish, The Acacia Strain, and Down To Nothing. Apparently we are touring on buses and going to be getting amazing catering every night. I'm stoked.
The end of the year is looking pretty empty which is probably a good thing. I'll finally get to be home and work to make some money so I'm not broke. Not having money sucks. I'm trying to the new iPhone 4 but I've been saving up and selling things to pay for that and Europe and still try to stay alive. Thankfully I have someone who has been taking care of me and I am very thankful for that. I just don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of that. I want to give back what I've been receiving. So hopefully when I get back home I'll be able to do that. I'm usually the one who spoils his significant other, but I've been so broke that I haven't been able to do anything. It bums me out. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm doing with my life. I enjoy touring and playing music. I just don't know how long you can do that without making the money to pay the bills back home.
Other than that, I've been laying low. Staying out of drama and being content with the small amount of people that I have chose to associate with. I love the close friends that I have. I know I made the right choice to cut certain ties. I now have a new phone number that not many people have. It's like a new start. I also realized that some people will never change. Some people feed off drama and just will never grow up. I rather only have a few close friends that do not bring that into my life than a bunch of dramatic people who I wouldn't even consider friends. There are also those people that you wish you could have in your life, but realize that they are just too dysfunctional to have around. Some people are just not compatible. I see that more than ever now. I know that I will never be completely rid of drama but the more precautions I take to stay away from it, the happier I will be.
I should be updating more often within the next couple months cause I'll have plenty to write about so hopefully I will keep up with it. I miss this. I kinda want to start writing a journal, memoir, novel, or something. We will see though. It's not like I don't have the time, just wouldn't even know where to start. I will eventually.
Since I last updated, I had a birthday. The big 24. Edge year. I was stuck in Dayton, OH for it. Worst, most boring place on Earth. We left for tour on April 15th and played a couple shows on the way up to the "Wrath Of Sanity Tour" with Earth Crisis and First Blood. We blew a tire on the highway at some ridiculous time of night. Called triple A. Got the weirdest/funniest tow truck driver ever. We slept in the parking lot of the gas station that took 3 days to fix the van cause they had to order a certain part. We stayed at this girl Bree's apartment who none of us had ever met and only got hooked up with through someone else. Luckily I got the couch for the 3 days. But we were basically in her apartment the whole time because there is absolutely nothing to do in Dayton. We got the tire fixed and continued on. The tour started in New York City and we actually got to do a radio interview on AOL which can be seen here...AOL Interview. That was really awesome. We got a tour of the AOL studio in New York and had a good time. The second day of the tour was New England Metal and Hardcore Fest. That was a good day. I got to see some good bands and I had dinner with my friend Lindsay. Our van window broke. We had to get that fixed the next day. Played a few more shows in PA and NY. Then we were off to Canada.
Let me just start by saying Canada is the worst. We had trouble getting through the border which we knew was going to happen. We had to get a fill in singer for the 2 shows that we got to play. It snowed. Took us 12 hours to make a 8 hour drive. It wasn't fun. But the shows were awesome. We did an interview with Hard Times. That was interesting. They asked a lot of different questions that you usually don't get in an interview. Good change. After those 2 days we headed back into the states. Did some Midwest stuff. Saw the guys from Fireworks in Michigan. Played an awesome warehouse show in PA that was probably one of the best shows of the tour. Saw my friend Katie and Jeff when we were in Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Making our way out west. Stayed with Andy Hurley from Fall Out Boy. He was playing drums for Earth Crisis on the tour. Played with Whitechapel in Denver. Met Chris Immunity. Blew another tire somewhere in the dessert. Met Chelsea Denoya in Salt Lake City and had some good steaks thanks to our Tour Manager Don. He earned the nickname "Steak Well Don" that night. Made it up to Seattle and saw Dual Dave and met Ashley Lake, she bought us Red Mill Burger. Saw Iron Man 2 with Shane and Jerry. Shane made vegan Hawaiian pizzas. Stayed with my friend Katelyn for a couple days in Reno. Experienced Earth Crisis in Reno which was a once in a lifetime kinda show. Saw the dudes from Lionheart and Scott Sparks in Sacramento. Played California Metal Fest in Southern Cali. Saw some family in New Mexico. Headed back East. Stayed with Aldo and Shani in Indianapolis. Got matching BF tattoos with Shane. Team +/-. Stayed in Pittsburgh with Katie and Kimmie for a couple days. Ate some good food, watched the worst movie, The Human Centipede. Played NJ and saw Kaelin and Justin. Played South Carolina and met Shane's family and friends. Made our way back home to Florida. A week later we did a short weekend up through Tallahassee and to a fest in Georgia. My friend Dylan filled in for us on vocals. It was a good time. Our vans a/c has been out so that sucked but we got slurpees and sucked it up. We played with Livid, who is my friend Kane's band in Tallahassee. Also played with my friend Nate's band. Played with Casey Jones and MCMB at the fest in Georgia.
I've been in Orlando since then basically. Staying with my girlfriend. Being a lazy bum. I really needed to get a job but I couldn't find anything within the short time I was here. I leave again in two weeks so I kinda just gave up the search after nothing was happening. I've been down South a couple times to see my parents and play the show we played with Advent. My parents got to meet my girlfriend and they liked her so that's always good. Saw a lot of friends at the show. Now I'm back in Orlando till this weekend. I'm going back down South to play a show with My Complex Island. Our first show in months. Should be fun. I'll be hopping around the next 2 weeks between Orlando and South Florida, trying to spend time with my girlfriend and writing with the band. We leave for tour July 20th. I'll be gone for a month. Then we leave for Japan August 25th or 26th. That will be my second time going there within a year. Not many people can say that in a lifetime. I'll be there for 10 days then back to the states for a couple weeks before leaving for a tour in Europe for a month. We are doing the Hell on Earth Tour with Everytime I die, Terror, All Shall Perish, The Acacia Strain, and Down To Nothing. Apparently we are touring on buses and going to be getting amazing catering every night. I'm stoked.
The end of the year is looking pretty empty which is probably a good thing. I'll finally get to be home and work to make some money so I'm not broke. Not having money sucks. I'm trying to the new iPhone 4 but I've been saving up and selling things to pay for that and Europe and still try to stay alive. Thankfully I have someone who has been taking care of me and I am very thankful for that. I just don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of that. I want to give back what I've been receiving. So hopefully when I get back home I'll be able to do that. I'm usually the one who spoils his significant other, but I've been so broke that I haven't been able to do anything. It bums me out. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm doing with my life. I enjoy touring and playing music. I just don't know how long you can do that without making the money to pay the bills back home.
Other than that, I've been laying low. Staying out of drama and being content with the small amount of people that I have chose to associate with. I love the close friends that I have. I know I made the right choice to cut certain ties. I now have a new phone number that not many people have. It's like a new start. I also realized that some people will never change. Some people feed off drama and just will never grow up. I rather only have a few close friends that do not bring that into my life than a bunch of dramatic people who I wouldn't even consider friends. There are also those people that you wish you could have in your life, but realize that they are just too dysfunctional to have around. Some people are just not compatible. I see that more than ever now. I know that I will never be completely rid of drama but the more precautions I take to stay away from it, the happier I will be.
I should be updating more often within the next couple months cause I'll have plenty to write about so hopefully I will keep up with it. I miss this. I kinda want to start writing a journal, memoir, novel, or something. We will see though. It's not like I don't have the time, just wouldn't even know where to start. I will eventually.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
You Have My Attention
I haven't posted on here in a couple months. I have been busy doing so much that I just never remembered to do it. So much has happened since my last post so I will try to sum it up and keep it short. It probably won't happen. I guess we will see.
So in February I went on tour to do merch with Shai Hulud. The opportunity came when I got home from my long road trip. My friend Mike sings for them now and he hit me up asking me if I wanted to do merch for them. Of course I did. A chance to tour and make some money instead of sitting home and doing nothing. So I did that. Flew into Albany, NY, got to hang out with my friend Katelyn for a little bit. We ended up driving through the night to Nashville, TN where the first show was. The tour was with Living Sacrifice, War Of Ages, Lionheart, and The Great Commission. It went through the whole month of February. It was mostly an East coast and Midwest tour. We made it out to Texas, up through Michigan and back down through Pennsylvania and the east coast. Didn't go through NY or anywhere that north. It was in the winter so the snow got in the way a little bit. But it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Shai Hulud dropped off a few days early to go to Europe and I stayed on the tour and rode down to Florida with Lionheart. I made some really good friends on that tour. A lot of amazing people. I got picked up from the last show in Jacksonville by my friend Kane and Marlo and I went to Tallahassee.
I spent a week in Tallahassee getting tattooed and hanging out with friends. My friend Nate got married on March 6th so I was there for that. I got picked up by my friend Liz who at the time, I was dating, but we realized we were better friends than anything else. I spent a few days in Orlando with her and then made it back down to South Florida.
While I was gone on tour with Shai Hulud, I got the call about that band that wanted me to play drums for them. I couldn't turn down the offer so I now officially play drums for Thick As Blood. I've known those guys forever so it should be a good time. When I got home we started practicing and writing. Getting ready for the upcoming tour with Earth Crisis and First Blood. I leave in a week and I couldn't be more excited. So we spent some time writing at home. I came back up to Tallahassee to hang out with friends again. Back to South Florida for more practice. We took band promos and I hung out with our new guitarist Andrew who used to play for the metal band Oceano. I went to see Winds of Plague and Fear Factory with him. That was interesting. He flew back to Chicago where he lives right now.
I came back up to Orlando a week ago to hang out with someone I have been talking to on and off since late January. Things finally seem to be working out. We finally had some time to hang out and get to know each other and it feels really good to be around her. It sucks that I have to leave for a month when things are going this well, but that's just part of my life. I have a good feeling about it all though. I think that this time it will work out and things will fall into place the way they were meant to.
I'm in Orlando right now. I'll be here till tomorrow, then its back down South for more practice and getting everything ready for tour. I ordered a new drum set which I got to see yesterday for the first time. It looks awesome. It's black on black, Spaun. I will be using it on the upcoming tour. I sold my old drum set to someone in Canada. His name is Erik and he is a big fan of Bishop and Thick As Blood so he helped me out a lot. Shipping to Canada is the biggest pain in the ass and I will probably never do it again. But he was awesome through the whole thing. I'm gonna miss that drum set. But with new beginnings comes new things. I'm pretty stoked on all of it.
I'm really excited to see everyone on this tour. It's been a really long time since I have done a full U.S. tour. I get to see all my friends out West and up North this time which is awesome. Tour is so awesome to me because I get to meet so many new people and have friendships that I probably would've never been able to have if it wasn't for music. I am very thankful for what and who I have in my life.
So after this tour which will go through the end of May, I'll be home in June. Hopefully spending a bunch of time in Orlando and writing back down South. Possibly doing a short tour in July or August. At the end of August we are planning to go to Japan then Australia. After that we are going to be doing a huge tour in Europe with Terror, Everytime I die, The Acacia Strain, All Shall Perish, and Down To Nothing. I am really excited for all of this. Getting to go back to Japan and Australia twice within one year is amazing. It will also be my first time in Europe so I couldn't be more stoked for that.
I saw Copeland last night which could possibly be the last time I ever see them as a band. They have always been one of my favorites and I am sad to see them go. It was an amazing show. They played for an hour and mixed in some old songs which is what I like the most. I wish I could see them tonight in Orlando too but its been sold out for weeks. I am just glad I got to see them one more time before they broke up. I went down with my friend Jake, Amber, who is the girl I've been seeing, came down with us too. We picked up Mariah and went to my house for a little bit. Then we got pizza at Primanti Bros and went to the show. My dad actually came out to it. He bought my ticket which was an extra bday gift. I had a really good time and I'm thankful for the people I got to spend it with.
Other than all that, basically, I'm happy. I haven't felt this good about everything in years. Every aspect of my life is good right now. I've got an amazing future coming within the next couple months, I've got some amazing friends and supportive family, an amazing girl, awesome band, and a permanent smile on my face. I couldn't really ask for more at the moment. I hope that this feeling lasts forever.
So in February I went on tour to do merch with Shai Hulud. The opportunity came when I got home from my long road trip. My friend Mike sings for them now and he hit me up asking me if I wanted to do merch for them. Of course I did. A chance to tour and make some money instead of sitting home and doing nothing. So I did that. Flew into Albany, NY, got to hang out with my friend Katelyn for a little bit. We ended up driving through the night to Nashville, TN where the first show was. The tour was with Living Sacrifice, War Of Ages, Lionheart, and The Great Commission. It went through the whole month of February. It was mostly an East coast and Midwest tour. We made it out to Texas, up through Michigan and back down through Pennsylvania and the east coast. Didn't go through NY or anywhere that north. It was in the winter so the snow got in the way a little bit. But it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Shai Hulud dropped off a few days early to go to Europe and I stayed on the tour and rode down to Florida with Lionheart. I made some really good friends on that tour. A lot of amazing people. I got picked up from the last show in Jacksonville by my friend Kane and Marlo and I went to Tallahassee.
I spent a week in Tallahassee getting tattooed and hanging out with friends. My friend Nate got married on March 6th so I was there for that. I got picked up by my friend Liz who at the time, I was dating, but we realized we were better friends than anything else. I spent a few days in Orlando with her and then made it back down to South Florida.
While I was gone on tour with Shai Hulud, I got the call about that band that wanted me to play drums for them. I couldn't turn down the offer so I now officially play drums for Thick As Blood. I've known those guys forever so it should be a good time. When I got home we started practicing and writing. Getting ready for the upcoming tour with Earth Crisis and First Blood. I leave in a week and I couldn't be more excited. So we spent some time writing at home. I came back up to Tallahassee to hang out with friends again. Back to South Florida for more practice. We took band promos and I hung out with our new guitarist Andrew who used to play for the metal band Oceano. I went to see Winds of Plague and Fear Factory with him. That was interesting. He flew back to Chicago where he lives right now.
I came back up to Orlando a week ago to hang out with someone I have been talking to on and off since late January. Things finally seem to be working out. We finally had some time to hang out and get to know each other and it feels really good to be around her. It sucks that I have to leave for a month when things are going this well, but that's just part of my life. I have a good feeling about it all though. I think that this time it will work out and things will fall into place the way they were meant to.
I'm in Orlando right now. I'll be here till tomorrow, then its back down South for more practice and getting everything ready for tour. I ordered a new drum set which I got to see yesterday for the first time. It looks awesome. It's black on black, Spaun. I will be using it on the upcoming tour. I sold my old drum set to someone in Canada. His name is Erik and he is a big fan of Bishop and Thick As Blood so he helped me out a lot. Shipping to Canada is the biggest pain in the ass and I will probably never do it again. But he was awesome through the whole thing. I'm gonna miss that drum set. But with new beginnings comes new things. I'm pretty stoked on all of it.
I'm really excited to see everyone on this tour. It's been a really long time since I have done a full U.S. tour. I get to see all my friends out West and up North this time which is awesome. Tour is so awesome to me because I get to meet so many new people and have friendships that I probably would've never been able to have if it wasn't for music. I am very thankful for what and who I have in my life.
So after this tour which will go through the end of May, I'll be home in June. Hopefully spending a bunch of time in Orlando and writing back down South. Possibly doing a short tour in July or August. At the end of August we are planning to go to Japan then Australia. After that we are going to be doing a huge tour in Europe with Terror, Everytime I die, The Acacia Strain, All Shall Perish, and Down To Nothing. I am really excited for all of this. Getting to go back to Japan and Australia twice within one year is amazing. It will also be my first time in Europe so I couldn't be more stoked for that.
I saw Copeland last night which could possibly be the last time I ever see them as a band. They have always been one of my favorites and I am sad to see them go. It was an amazing show. They played for an hour and mixed in some old songs which is what I like the most. I wish I could see them tonight in Orlando too but its been sold out for weeks. I am just glad I got to see them one more time before they broke up. I went down with my friend Jake, Amber, who is the girl I've been seeing, came down with us too. We picked up Mariah and went to my house for a little bit. Then we got pizza at Primanti Bros and went to the show. My dad actually came out to it. He bought my ticket which was an extra bday gift. I had a really good time and I'm thankful for the people I got to spend it with.
Other than all that, basically, I'm happy. I haven't felt this good about everything in years. Every aspect of my life is good right now. I've got an amazing future coming within the next couple months, I've got some amazing friends and supportive family, an amazing girl, awesome band, and a permanent smile on my face. I couldn't really ask for more at the moment. I hope that this feeling lasts forever.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I'm not sad anymore, I'm just tired of this place.
Negative $203.54 in the bank, 2000 more miles put on my car, and the best month I've had in years. I'm finally home in Coral Springs after what seems like forever. I left my house on December 28th, 2009. It's now January 21st, 2010 and I am finally home. It started off as a 3 day trip to Orlando to watch the Champs Sports bowl. Unfortunately the Miami Hurricanes lost. I wasn't going to let that spoil the trip though. I knew that I was down to my last couple hundred dollars, unsure of unemployment, only sure that I didn't want to go home and be miserable looking for another job that I would hate. So the adolescent side of me took over and I drove to Tallahassee. Got some tattoo work done, hung out there for New Years Eve with some of the best friends I have. I didn't get to kiss anyone at midnight which was a bummer but I got my kiss the next day. I took off for Chattanooga, TN to see my old roommate. I had no idea how long I would end up staying. I thought it was only going to be for a few days. I ended up staying almost 2 weeks. Surviving off of Ramen and Dollar Menu food, I was happy. I got to wake up next to someone every morning and it felt amazing. I considered looking for a job and starting over there, but I had too much going on back home. So I spent as much money as I could afford to, leaving just enough to make it back to Florida. On the way home I stopped in Orlando again, sleeping on one of my friend's couches for a few days. I came home for 2 nights, getting a ride from my friend Jake and leaving my car in Orlando so I had an excuse to go back. I went up there and ended up staying another 4 days until I had to head home today. That's where I am now.
I came home stressed because of money, only to find both my W-2's waiting for me. Finally some kind of money coming in. I also made a call to my 401k and discovered that Red Bull had been investing for me while I worked there and I was entitled to 1000 dollars. Being in the situation I'm in right now, I made the decision to take that out. So I'll be getting that next week. I'm also going to try and get the Overdraft fees taken off of my bank account. I think its ridiculous that they charge me 35 dollars for a 3 dollar car wash and 10 dollars from sunpass. Why not just decline the transactions? What's the point of having an available balance if its not accurate? Doesn't make sense to me. So hopefully I can get those taken off. I still have that stupid car payment to make and I'm a month behind which sucks. But at least I'm not stressed about it anymore. I'm going to have money in my account and that's what matters.
Now that I am getting my financial situation taken care of, I can focus on other things like getting a job and more importantly, music. My Complex Island has been recording for the past month at my house and it sounds awesome. I am really surprised at how good the quality is. I opened up my own recording studio and am gonna start recording local bands that want to demo. It's pretty legit and way cheaper than anywhere else around here. I also got a random text about a week ago with an offer that I couldn't refuse. I will know for sure by the end of next month if its going to happen. It will be life changing and I couldn't be more stoked on it.
Since my last post I have discovered certain things that have changed my opinions on certain people. I found out something that devastated me for a little bit, but I got over it. It turned from depression to anger, from anger to hate, and finally I feel nothing towards it. In the past couple months I have rid myself of a few people that were not worth my time or effort. I have found it easier to accept things for what they are and not dwell on failed relationships. Finally learning that life goes on and actually believing it. I mean last month was rough for me. Losing my job, finding out the things I did about some people, one person in particular, debt, uncertainty about anything, it all added up. I almost broke down. If it wasn't for my friends I would've been in a very bad spot right now. I have never felt so much love in my life and it feels amazing. I know that everything is going to be ok now. It was hard to actually believe that before when I would say it, but now I feel it. The fact that I don't have a job, I don't know when I'll have a steady paycheck, I don't know what's going to happen with my car that I can't afford, doesn't effect me anymore. I'm not stressed about it. It feels like a weight is off of my shoulder.
I had a lot of time to think on the long drives that I made. I decided I'm going to go to Cosmetology school to be a hair stylist when I'm done with the music career. I mean I'm not going to try and make a living off of playing drums forever. There's a certain window that you just have to think realistically in. I think I have a few more years of this, but if nothing changes from this within that time, I have my back up plan. I can take out loans and grants, and its a job that my tattoos won't effect. I've already talked to a few friends that went to different schools and got a couple opinions. It looks promising.
So as of now the plan is to just keep following my dream. Between My Complex Island and the opportunities that this recording should bring, and the other band that I might be working with, I should have a pretty solid future for a while. Taking a step back from the females and not searching for that anymore. I had an amazing time in Tennessee with someone but that distance is too much right now. Things might change later this year if she moves back home. I also hung out with someone from my past in Orlando last week, we talked a lot, I thought that maybe something could come of it, but we both wanted different things. It got complicated and things just didn't work out the way I'd hoped, but its ok. So now I'm back to having no one and I'm perfectly ok with that. I've got so much other stuff going on right now that keeps my mind off of it. When the right person comes along, I'll know.
m.ui.yu
I came home stressed because of money, only to find both my W-2's waiting for me. Finally some kind of money coming in. I also made a call to my 401k and discovered that Red Bull had been investing for me while I worked there and I was entitled to 1000 dollars. Being in the situation I'm in right now, I made the decision to take that out. So I'll be getting that next week. I'm also going to try and get the Overdraft fees taken off of my bank account. I think its ridiculous that they charge me 35 dollars for a 3 dollar car wash and 10 dollars from sunpass. Why not just decline the transactions? What's the point of having an available balance if its not accurate? Doesn't make sense to me. So hopefully I can get those taken off. I still have that stupid car payment to make and I'm a month behind which sucks. But at least I'm not stressed about it anymore. I'm going to have money in my account and that's what matters.
Now that I am getting my financial situation taken care of, I can focus on other things like getting a job and more importantly, music. My Complex Island has been recording for the past month at my house and it sounds awesome. I am really surprised at how good the quality is. I opened up my own recording studio and am gonna start recording local bands that want to demo. It's pretty legit and way cheaper than anywhere else around here. I also got a random text about a week ago with an offer that I couldn't refuse. I will know for sure by the end of next month if its going to happen. It will be life changing and I couldn't be more stoked on it.
Since my last post I have discovered certain things that have changed my opinions on certain people. I found out something that devastated me for a little bit, but I got over it. It turned from depression to anger, from anger to hate, and finally I feel nothing towards it. In the past couple months I have rid myself of a few people that were not worth my time or effort. I have found it easier to accept things for what they are and not dwell on failed relationships. Finally learning that life goes on and actually believing it. I mean last month was rough for me. Losing my job, finding out the things I did about some people, one person in particular, debt, uncertainty about anything, it all added up. I almost broke down. If it wasn't for my friends I would've been in a very bad spot right now. I have never felt so much love in my life and it feels amazing. I know that everything is going to be ok now. It was hard to actually believe that before when I would say it, but now I feel it. The fact that I don't have a job, I don't know when I'll have a steady paycheck, I don't know what's going to happen with my car that I can't afford, doesn't effect me anymore. I'm not stressed about it. It feels like a weight is off of my shoulder.
I had a lot of time to think on the long drives that I made. I decided I'm going to go to Cosmetology school to be a hair stylist when I'm done with the music career. I mean I'm not going to try and make a living off of playing drums forever. There's a certain window that you just have to think realistically in. I think I have a few more years of this, but if nothing changes from this within that time, I have my back up plan. I can take out loans and grants, and its a job that my tattoos won't effect. I've already talked to a few friends that went to different schools and got a couple opinions. It looks promising.
So as of now the plan is to just keep following my dream. Between My Complex Island and the opportunities that this recording should bring, and the other band that I might be working with, I should have a pretty solid future for a while. Taking a step back from the females and not searching for that anymore. I had an amazing time in Tennessee with someone but that distance is too much right now. Things might change later this year if she moves back home. I also hung out with someone from my past in Orlando last week, we talked a lot, I thought that maybe something could come of it, but we both wanted different things. It got complicated and things just didn't work out the way I'd hoped, but its ok. So now I'm back to having no one and I'm perfectly ok with that. I've got so much other stuff going on right now that keeps my mind off of it. When the right person comes along, I'll know.
m.ui.yu
Monday, December 14, 2009
I know now, who I am is better than who I used to be.
I haven't updated since Thanksgiving because there has been a lot going on. Its not that I haven't had time, its just that I have had so much on my mind and so much time to think that I wanted to try and figure things out before I came and wrote about it. It didn't really work. I'm still lost. I'm still clueless. I still need something to change.
I lost my job a week ago. I don't know the exact reason and I didn't care to ask when I was getting laid off. I tried to hide the fact that I hated my job by pretending to love it. I was miserable. Working 10 hour days, not getting any kind of praise for what I was doing or all the extra shit I had to deal with. Instead I got bitched at for the small things that I did wrong. I look at losing the job as a blessing in disguise. I'm the kind of person that's afraid to just quit because its scary being unemployed. Especially when you have bills. I would've stayed at that dead end job for as long as it was available to me, even being miserable, because I was afraid to go look for something else, something better. So now that I am unemployed, I've had a lot of time to myself, to think. You'd think I'd figure out somethings. Maybe figure out what I'm doing with my life, my future, a career. I haven't. All I've thought about is how miserable I have been for the past couple years. I know exactly when it started. I know the exact reason. I think I know how to fix it. The problem is actually being able to do it.
I made a huge mistake a couple years ago. I tried to change who I was. You'd think I would have a good reason to do this, but I didn't. It all came down to a girl. The girl. The one I'm always rambling about how I ruined everything and blah blah blah. Well after I messed that situation up I acted on pure jealousy. She started dating an older guy. A guy who seemed to have his shit together. He had a house, money, a full time job. I thought in order to have any chance at getting her back, I needed to get my shit together. So I went out, got a full time job, within a couple months I bought a new car, a few months later, I moved out of my parents house. All this seemed like a good idea at the time. By the time I had all that going for me it had already been too late. She had moved on, I had a new girlfriend, everything was different. But here I was, a "man". I had bills that I couldn't afford, I had a job that I didn't want, I was on my own. The main thing about this is that I gave up everything that I was because I thought it was for the best. I tried to grow up because I thought that's what I needed to do. That's what everyone tells you that you need to do. Society tells you that in order to be an adult, you need a job and responsibilities. So pretty much society teaches us that in order to be adults, we have to be miserable. Come on, be honest with yourself, does anyone actually want to work? For the few people that actually like their jobs, most of us probably wouldn't consider what they do work. If people say they like their job, its probably because they do something that most people would kill to be able to do for a living. Not everyone can be an athlete, actor, musician, artist. Most of us have to take the shit jobs in the world because that's what we think we are supposed to do. Its what we are told we HAVE to do. I don't want to. I'm going to do everything I can so that I don't have to either.
I wasn't born to work in a warehouse. I wasn't born to sit at a computer all day. I know I wasn't made for any of that. As adolescent and unrealistic as it may be, I know I was made to play music. I know there is more to life than materialistic bullshit. I bought a car I shouldn't have because I thought it would make me happy. It has made me miserable. All the money that I have worked for has gone to that stupid thing and I hate it. I work so I can pay for that stupid car and everyday I wish that I could just crash the damn thing into a lake and not have to pay for it anymore. Life would be so much easier. I think I'm close to the point where I can get rid of it now that I don't owe as much for it. That's my goal. Once I get rid of the car, I feel like I will have more freedom to do what I know I should be doing. I have made a promise to myself to not let anything hold me back from what I want to do. I don't care what job I have when the time comes, I am not holding on to anything that slows down the forward progress. I rather be in debt and happy doing something I love, than be working a job I hate so I can barely make it by. I have been living someone else's life for the past couple years and I'm not doing it anymore. I tried to conform to what society says we should be, and its not for me. I'm going to start living my life for myself again. Knowing that has made me the happiest I have been in years. Here goes everything.
I lost my job a week ago. I don't know the exact reason and I didn't care to ask when I was getting laid off. I tried to hide the fact that I hated my job by pretending to love it. I was miserable. Working 10 hour days, not getting any kind of praise for what I was doing or all the extra shit I had to deal with. Instead I got bitched at for the small things that I did wrong. I look at losing the job as a blessing in disguise. I'm the kind of person that's afraid to just quit because its scary being unemployed. Especially when you have bills. I would've stayed at that dead end job for as long as it was available to me, even being miserable, because I was afraid to go look for something else, something better. So now that I am unemployed, I've had a lot of time to myself, to think. You'd think I'd figure out somethings. Maybe figure out what I'm doing with my life, my future, a career. I haven't. All I've thought about is how miserable I have been for the past couple years. I know exactly when it started. I know the exact reason. I think I know how to fix it. The problem is actually being able to do it.
I made a huge mistake a couple years ago. I tried to change who I was. You'd think I would have a good reason to do this, but I didn't. It all came down to a girl. The girl. The one I'm always rambling about how I ruined everything and blah blah blah. Well after I messed that situation up I acted on pure jealousy. She started dating an older guy. A guy who seemed to have his shit together. He had a house, money, a full time job. I thought in order to have any chance at getting her back, I needed to get my shit together. So I went out, got a full time job, within a couple months I bought a new car, a few months later, I moved out of my parents house. All this seemed like a good idea at the time. By the time I had all that going for me it had already been too late. She had moved on, I had a new girlfriend, everything was different. But here I was, a "man". I had bills that I couldn't afford, I had a job that I didn't want, I was on my own. The main thing about this is that I gave up everything that I was because I thought it was for the best. I tried to grow up because I thought that's what I needed to do. That's what everyone tells you that you need to do. Society tells you that in order to be an adult, you need a job and responsibilities. So pretty much society teaches us that in order to be adults, we have to be miserable. Come on, be honest with yourself, does anyone actually want to work? For the few people that actually like their jobs, most of us probably wouldn't consider what they do work. If people say they like their job, its probably because they do something that most people would kill to be able to do for a living. Not everyone can be an athlete, actor, musician, artist. Most of us have to take the shit jobs in the world because that's what we think we are supposed to do. Its what we are told we HAVE to do. I don't want to. I'm going to do everything I can so that I don't have to either.
I wasn't born to work in a warehouse. I wasn't born to sit at a computer all day. I know I wasn't made for any of that. As adolescent and unrealistic as it may be, I know I was made to play music. I know there is more to life than materialistic bullshit. I bought a car I shouldn't have because I thought it would make me happy. It has made me miserable. All the money that I have worked for has gone to that stupid thing and I hate it. I work so I can pay for that stupid car and everyday I wish that I could just crash the damn thing into a lake and not have to pay for it anymore. Life would be so much easier. I think I'm close to the point where I can get rid of it now that I don't owe as much for it. That's my goal. Once I get rid of the car, I feel like I will have more freedom to do what I know I should be doing. I have made a promise to myself to not let anything hold me back from what I want to do. I don't care what job I have when the time comes, I am not holding on to anything that slows down the forward progress. I rather be in debt and happy doing something I love, than be working a job I hate so I can barely make it by. I have been living someone else's life for the past couple years and I'm not doing it anymore. I tried to conform to what society says we should be, and its not for me. I'm going to start living my life for myself again. Knowing that has made me the happiest I have been in years. Here goes everything.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanks For Stayin'
Thanksgiving 2009. I'm still in bed, woke up a couple hours ago, I have no reason to get out of bed yet. My life lately has consisted of work, and recording. That's pretty much it. I haven't really left my house in the past couple weeks other than to get food, go to a movie, and watch the Forrest Griffin fight. My friends are diminishing by the day, I can go a whole day without looking at my phone and knowing I won't be missing anything I care about. I'll come home, record, watch something on TV or a movie, shower, eat, and sleep. You'd think that this would bother me, but I like it better than dealing with everyone else. There are so many fake people I have involved myself with over the past 23 years of my life. It feels good to just cut myself off from that. I'm alone and it feels better than I have in years. So I guess I'm thankful for that.
I'm not gonna sit here and say that I haven't been fake to anyone, because I have. I just find it hard to say how I feel sometimes. I don't want to hurt anyone that I care about, but at the same time I hate keeping it to myself and just letting it build up. I've felt used, unappreciated, taken for granted a lot. I have sat there and done things knowing that they'd bother me and kept my mouth shut about it. I've smiled at people knowing that inside I was very angry at them. So I finally just cut them off. Without a word. I don't like confrontation, even though it seems to find me very easily. I'm just the kind of person that is going to stick up for myself and not be disrespected. I've gotten in a few arguments with friends lately cause I didn't like certain things and I spoke out about it. In other situations I've kept my mouth shut. But I guess its all about to come out.
I don't like being used. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is just using me for a ride to somewhere to see someone. I think its funny when they try to act all buddy buddy with me when they know I'm going somewhere they want to go, just so I'll give them a ride. Funny that after we get back home, I don't hear from that person till the next time I'm going to the same place. Don't call me your best friend when all you care about is using me for a ride to see your boyfriend. People who start dating someone and then drop their friends are not people I want to associate with. There should always be balance, and you don't know how to do that. You put everything into that relationship and because of that, ours has suffered, to the point where I don't care if we never speak again. I'm not someone who is just there for you when its convenient for you. That's not how friendships work. So if you read this, and you know exactly who you are, don't waste your time anymore. I gave up. You're not the person I thought you were.
Other than that, I've just cut myself off from people because I was tired of stupid confrontation. I've been locked up in the studio recording because it seems like music is the only thing that I enjoy doing. I just wish I had more people that were as serious about it as I am. Everyone is all talk. A bunch of empty promises. Nothing gets done and I was tired of sitting back and waiting for something to change. So I started my own projects. Not relying on anyone else but myself. I am happy with it so far.
I don't want to leave the house today. I'm supposed to go down to Miami with my family to have dinner at my Aunt's, but I don't want to. I just don't feel like being around people. My family already thinks I'm the most anti-social person in the world. It's probably because I am. I have always been quiet around family. Probably because they all speak Spanish and I don't. I did when I was a little kid, but growing up around a bunch of white kids and not using it makes you forget. So if I go, I'll end up sitting alone watching football on TV. I rather stay here and record so at least I'll feel like I'm being productive.
Hopefully I'll have more time to update all my stuff now that I don't have a social life. I can't record all day everyday, so maybe in between the TV shows and movies, I'll make a quick stop on here. Wish me luck.
I'm not gonna sit here and say that I haven't been fake to anyone, because I have. I just find it hard to say how I feel sometimes. I don't want to hurt anyone that I care about, but at the same time I hate keeping it to myself and just letting it build up. I've felt used, unappreciated, taken for granted a lot. I have sat there and done things knowing that they'd bother me and kept my mouth shut about it. I've smiled at people knowing that inside I was very angry at them. So I finally just cut them off. Without a word. I don't like confrontation, even though it seems to find me very easily. I'm just the kind of person that is going to stick up for myself and not be disrespected. I've gotten in a few arguments with friends lately cause I didn't like certain things and I spoke out about it. In other situations I've kept my mouth shut. But I guess its all about to come out.
I don't like being used. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is just using me for a ride to somewhere to see someone. I think its funny when they try to act all buddy buddy with me when they know I'm going somewhere they want to go, just so I'll give them a ride. Funny that after we get back home, I don't hear from that person till the next time I'm going to the same place. Don't call me your best friend when all you care about is using me for a ride to see your boyfriend. People who start dating someone and then drop their friends are not people I want to associate with. There should always be balance, and you don't know how to do that. You put everything into that relationship and because of that, ours has suffered, to the point where I don't care if we never speak again. I'm not someone who is just there for you when its convenient for you. That's not how friendships work. So if you read this, and you know exactly who you are, don't waste your time anymore. I gave up. You're not the person I thought you were.
Other than that, I've just cut myself off from people because I was tired of stupid confrontation. I've been locked up in the studio recording because it seems like music is the only thing that I enjoy doing. I just wish I had more people that were as serious about it as I am. Everyone is all talk. A bunch of empty promises. Nothing gets done and I was tired of sitting back and waiting for something to change. So I started my own projects. Not relying on anyone else but myself. I am happy with it so far.
I don't want to leave the house today. I'm supposed to go down to Miami with my family to have dinner at my Aunt's, but I don't want to. I just don't feel like being around people. My family already thinks I'm the most anti-social person in the world. It's probably because I am. I have always been quiet around family. Probably because they all speak Spanish and I don't. I did when I was a little kid, but growing up around a bunch of white kids and not using it makes you forget. So if I go, I'll end up sitting alone watching football on TV. I rather stay here and record so at least I'll feel like I'm being productive.
Hopefully I'll have more time to update all my stuff now that I don't have a social life. I can't record all day everyday, so maybe in between the TV shows and movies, I'll make a quick stop on here. Wish me luck.
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