Thanks For Stayin'

Thanksgiving 2009. I'm still in bed, woke up a couple hours ago, I have no reason to get out of bed yet. My life lately has consisted of work, and recording. That's pretty much it. I haven't really left my house in the past couple weeks other than to get food, go to a movie, and watch the Forrest Griffin fight. My friends are diminishing by the day, I can go a whole day without looking at my phone and knowing I won't be missing anything I care about. I'll come home, record, watch something on TV or a movie, shower, eat, and sleep. You'd think that this would bother me, but I like it better than dealing with everyone else. There are so many fake people I have involved myself with over the past 23 years of my life. It feels good to just cut myself off from that. I'm alone and it feels better than I have in years. So I guess I'm thankful for that.

I'm not gonna sit here and say that I haven't been fake to anyone, because I have. I just find it hard to say how I feel sometimes. I don't want to hurt anyone that I care about, but at the same time I hate keeping it to myself and just letting it build up. I've felt used, unappreciated, taken for granted a lot. I have sat there and done things knowing that they'd bother me and kept my mouth shut about it. I've smiled at people knowing that inside I was very angry at them. So I finally just cut them off. Without a word. I don't like confrontation, even though it seems to find me very easily. I'm just the kind of person that is going to stick up for myself and not be disrespected. I've gotten in a few arguments with friends lately cause I didn't like certain things and I spoke out about it. In other situations I've kept my mouth shut. But I guess its all about to come out.

I don't like being used. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is just using me for a ride to somewhere to see someone. I think its funny when they try to act all buddy buddy with me when they know I'm going somewhere they want to go, just so I'll give them a ride. Funny that after we get back home, I don't hear from that person till the next time I'm going to the same place. Don't call me your best friend when all you care about is using me for a ride to see your boyfriend. People who start dating someone and then drop their friends are not people I want to associate with. There should always be balance, and you don't know how to do that. You put everything into that relationship and because of that, ours has suffered, to the point where I don't care if we never speak again. I'm not someone who is just there for you when its convenient for you. That's not how friendships work. So if you read this, and you know exactly who you are, don't waste your time anymore. I gave up. You're not the person I thought you were.

Other than that, I've just cut myself off from people because I was tired of stupid confrontation. I've been locked up in the studio recording because it seems like music is the only thing that I enjoy doing. I just wish I had more people that were as serious about it as I am. Everyone is all talk. A bunch of empty promises. Nothing gets done and I was tired of sitting back and waiting for something to change. So I started my own projects. Not relying on anyone else but myself. I am happy with it so far.

I don't want to leave the house today. I'm supposed to go down to Miami with my family to have dinner at my Aunt's, but I don't want to. I just don't feel like being around people. My family already thinks I'm the most anti-social person in the world. It's probably because I am. I have always been quiet around family. Probably because they all speak Spanish and I don't. I did when I was a little kid, but growing up around a bunch of white kids and not using it makes you forget. So if I go, I'll end up sitting alone watching football on TV. I rather stay here and record so at least I'll feel like I'm being productive.

Hopefully I'll have more time to update all my stuff now that I don't have a social life. I can't record all day everyday, so maybe in between the TV shows and movies, I'll make a quick stop on here. Wish me luck.