Take Me To A Place Where I Don't Know Anybody, Leave Me Alone For Now.

Today the world lost someone very special to cancer at too young of an age. She was very close to some of my best friends and it impacted a lot of people. I have been in bed all day in a terrible mood. You never want to see the people that you love and care about go through that kind of stuff. It hurts. It made me think a lot. About how selfish I have been. The past few months I have walked around with a chip on my shoulder. I have hurt people that I care about. I have done things that I am not proud of. I have been very selfish. A few days ago I realized this and decided I wanted to start fresh and make things right in my life. So I have been trying to do that. It has been hard. I am still upset about certain things that I can't change. I still have a lot of things I need to work on. I want to believe that I can better myself, for myself, and for the people that I love. I have been trying and will continue to till I get it right.

I just got back from Japan on Sunday. It was my second time going there in the past year. It was another amazing experience that I am very thankful for the chance to have. It was a rollercoaster of emotion trying to juggle being there and dealing with things back home. I had a good time for the most part. But it was still hard. It still is. The tour we did before that was the same thing. Going through losing someone I loved made enjoying it too hard. I tried but it was a lot to deal with. Life has been a lot to deal with lately. I wish I was stronger and capable of dealing with it better. But I have felt so beaten that I just feel like giving up sometimes.

I sent out a couple messages tonight to people that I have had drama with trying to clear things up. I'm tired of having grudges. I don't know if anyone will respond. But at least I tried. I just want things to get better.

I leave for Europe in a few days. I'm pretty excited for that. First time going there. We get to tour on a bus and the tour is with awesome bands. I can't wait. Thinking about a big change when I get back home. We will see how things work out.

I've been writing in my Livejournal more. More private stuff in there that I don't want to put out on the internet. I'm a little tired of everyone always knowing my business. Trying to be a little bit more private about certain things. It gives people less to talk about. They are always gonna talk. But at least this way they are just making it up on their own. So I feel like I have less to write about on here. But I'll try to keep up with it. I'll update from Europe if I have time.